I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm too high and old for this...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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