Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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