Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
