This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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