"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
