fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
