wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My underwear smells like fireworks.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
