I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
