STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
