i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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