i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
