Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
