see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
