Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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