he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize