Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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