I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
