Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My feet surprised me
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