I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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