there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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