So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I did not marry a roomba.
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