that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
