I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
