Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
