Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
