I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
