I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
