we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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