They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
