I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just had sex bonerless
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
