i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
