I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
