Betty ford says i'm here all night
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
