I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
