Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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