Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
