Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
