i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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