Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize