if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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