he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
