Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
