Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
