Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
