I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
