R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
