my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
