Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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