i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
