operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
