He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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