I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
