my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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