Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
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sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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