It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
