Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
