I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
