well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
so much tequila, so little girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
