I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
