Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
