...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
