I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
