he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
