That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
