I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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