she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
