you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
