i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize