You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
