You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Too much gin, very little bucket
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
