so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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