Your face is a jimmy john
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
