it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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