True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
