I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The air was thick with penises
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
