Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
