go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
