i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
