GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
